Localism in Surfing Bad, decrees Pope Benedict XVI
Heres a post from a surfing forum i read. enjoy see you all in three weeks.
Reuters - Vatican City.
In a move widely applauded among both fundamental and secular individuals who identify themselves as surfers, Pope Benedict XVI has decreed localism to be against the very will of God.
Speaking in Latin beneath the spectacularly frescoed ceiling of the Vatican's Sistine Chapel, he expressed his gratitude to the late John Paul II as he prepared to move into the beach hut that had been occupied by his predecessor for the past 26 years.
"I can almost feel his strong hand holding mine. I can almost see his smiling eyes and hear his words being directed at me in this special time: 'Be not afraid to squelch this scourge of the sea'," he said.
Although cardinal electors are sworn to secrecy, Ratzinger is believed to have surfed in many Indo locations in addition to his favourite west-coast haunts. Ex-Nazis and the descendents of Nazis have often been sighted enjoying the natural wonders of Canada's west coast trail.
Benedict XVI expressed "profound surprise" at the cardinals' decision to elect him and said he felt an "enormous burden of responsibility" weighing on his shoulders. It was suspected that Ratzinger was carried aloft to this position by the large number of surfing cardinals within the enclave.
At 78 the oldest cardinal to have been elected pope in a century, Benedict asked for the lord to grant him a longboard quiver in order to help him compensate "for the poverty of my strength, so that I may be a courageous defender of the hang loose spirit.".
"Let thee who has been wronged turn the other cheek. Let thee who has garnered hatred ...give out hugs. Let thee who has been dropped in upon, share the wave and the stoke. Let thee who has been humble gain the pure stoke of shredding in the Lord's domain."
Vatican officials hinted that ahead lay the difficult task of many years of solid prayer in order to turn the oceans into holy water. By doing so the demons of localism can be exorcised from the world's reefs, beach breaks and wave parks forever.
It is hoped that surfing will be free of even a sideways glance or a stinkeye by 2010.
"I'm going to cram so much sunshine up their ass, not a surfer alive will be able to venture into the sea without feeling God's eternal love." exclaimed Pope Benedict as he left the tiny balcony above St. Peter's square. "...and in case any of you ratfuckers were hoping for a break, God still frowns upon queers and the use of condoms...so don't get any funny ideas."
"Nos surfus am glorium"
Reuters - Vatican City.
In a move widely applauded among both fundamental and secular individuals who identify themselves as surfers, Pope Benedict XVI has decreed localism to be against the very will of God.
Speaking in Latin beneath the spectacularly frescoed ceiling of the Vatican's Sistine Chapel, he expressed his gratitude to the late John Paul II as he prepared to move into the beach hut that had been occupied by his predecessor for the past 26 years.
"I can almost feel his strong hand holding mine. I can almost see his smiling eyes and hear his words being directed at me in this special time: 'Be not afraid to squelch this scourge of the sea'," he said.
Although cardinal electors are sworn to secrecy, Ratzinger is believed to have surfed in many Indo locations in addition to his favourite west-coast haunts. Ex-Nazis and the descendents of Nazis have often been sighted enjoying the natural wonders of Canada's west coast trail.
Benedict XVI expressed "profound surprise" at the cardinals' decision to elect him and said he felt an "enormous burden of responsibility" weighing on his shoulders. It was suspected that Ratzinger was carried aloft to this position by the large number of surfing cardinals within the enclave.
At 78 the oldest cardinal to have been elected pope in a century, Benedict asked for the lord to grant him a longboard quiver in order to help him compensate "for the poverty of my strength, so that I may be a courageous defender of the hang loose spirit.".
"Let thee who has been wronged turn the other cheek. Let thee who has garnered hatred ...give out hugs. Let thee who has been dropped in upon, share the wave and the stoke. Let thee who has been humble gain the pure stoke of shredding in the Lord's domain."
Vatican officials hinted that ahead lay the difficult task of many years of solid prayer in order to turn the oceans into holy water. By doing so the demons of localism can be exorcised from the world's reefs, beach breaks and wave parks forever.
It is hoped that surfing will be free of even a sideways glance or a stinkeye by 2010.
"I'm going to cram so much sunshine up their ass, not a surfer alive will be able to venture into the sea without feeling God's eternal love." exclaimed Pope Benedict as he left the tiny balcony above St. Peter's square. "...and in case any of you ratfuckers were hoping for a break, God still frowns upon queers and the use of condoms...so don't get any funny ideas."
"Nos surfus am glorium"
posted by C'uhlq?y'ac at 6:55 PM
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