AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Fuck!


hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.


life is fucked up sometimes you know? I am have the house to myself for a week and a whole bunch of weed to numb my brain with. i haven't smoked in a long time and it may be stupid to have this. but i am just freaking out. my mom has cnacer and the reason i have the house to myself is that she and my dad have gone to vancouver so she can have some fucking serious surgery. i am not that worried though. i'm sure she'll be fine.
all the same . i just feel fucking crazy. i am listening to helter skelter on repeat at the loudest i can. it makes me feel better. i only have to wait a week till my band returns. that will be better.

i think i need a woman. i am going crazy. i have had some good opertunities of late and fucked them all up. and then the ones i haven';t fucked up had boyfirends making things less easy for me.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
you may be a lover but you ain't no daaaaaaaaancer!

the woman i get has got to move. if she can't dance then i just don't se it happening.

sex is one thing. dancing is another entirely.



AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa

listen to helter skelter turned up reallyreally lioud and thats exactly how i feel right now. at least i have someone telling it to me how it is. thanks paul.

do you, don't you want me to love you? I'm coming down fast but I'm miles above you. tell me tell me tell me come on tell me the answer..............

this is what cyber sex is all about

this is the most hilarious thing i have read in a long long time.


click here

actually I'm fine

nah i'm cool.

that movie just put me i a weird place.

playing music. i have five blisters on two fingers right now. i'm going to start playing guitar again now. going to pick up some new strings for the one i have in my room tommorow. it isn't mine but i have had it for three years now. nice guitar too. i need to think of some songs i am going to learn. i started learning some neil young but he is really good at making hard things sound simple. so ihtink i may try and find someone who makes simple things sound hard. any suggestions?

feeling good. i cleaned my room.

Choking on my own angst

fuck. fuck fuck. fuck.

i feel crazy. i'm chet baker. "iiiiii fall in love to easily.... i fall in love to faaaaaaast". had some meaninglessness mess. now i feel sort of odd.
can't find a connection with the right women. grasping at walls. walls with great curves that i am not touching. sometimes i want to be a dog and just........ you know.

i saw "the new world" today. it made me feel calm. and lonely too. i have friends though.

i think i may have moved beyond being approcable, although i am not certain. when will this drought end i wonder.

blue once again

The end of Holidays

getting right to the point, I have lost 10 pounds since the summer and i am certain that it is not fat as i have very little in my body. it is all therefore, muscle. I have not worked out seriously for four months

tommorow the swell readings are at 21 feet and i am going surfing. i don't think i am physically prepared for this. i am actually shaking right now. i am going to get my ass kicked.

a good way to start the new year.

time to get back in shape.

A Week In The Life

Here s quick update of my last week, wednesday to wednesday.
Wed 7th: classes end, rehersal in the evening for two hours(Marmaduke's guitarist), watched the brokens string play after( i will be filling in for their bassist next week so i have to learn their songs)
Thurs 8th: clean my room study for ten minutes or so. practice for an hour and a half go play played music with a new band of old friends (called the Brewwages as we have only been paid in beer and will only be together till Marmaduke returns)
Fri: rehersal for three hours with a new group for floyd's dinner's xmas party. learned ten songs.
Sat:nothing planned then ended up rehersing and play at the george and dragon with Brewwages on a whim.
Sun:gig at the fireside, rehersal sunday evening with Marmaduke's guitarist.
Mon:rehersal all evening with The floyd's band.
Tues:rehersal with The Broken strings for gig on the 23rd at D'arcy's (there are the house cover band) they lay on me 15 extra songs to add on to the 30 i already have to learn=45 songs to learn.
Wed:exam. play floyd's xams party, its a blast. then i got some play.
today: napped and studied and practiced. i need a break from all this music

thats me. hectic times. but it's fun.

Figure Four

I do believe a sort of postpartum depression has set in, now that my band has left me. More like a subtle melincolie; very subtle. I feel good, but all of a sudden i have no more music to play(much less at least). It is good in a way, my body was worn down, i have lost about 5 pounds of muscle as i haven't been working out since august, and i just need a break from constant musical creative expenditure. Now, i am insted taking in some inspiration, listening to lots of new things and playing as little as i can.
I've come across a good situation to help me over come my woe though. The girl i went out with on my birthday, who ended up having a boyfriend, no longer has a boyfriend, and wants to go out and have a good time. looking for nothing serious, she says. i think things could be looking up for me.
i sure hope this all don't come crashing down. my life is in a good groove that i'd hate to slip out of. i've got a long way i could fall.